The Harry Potter Picture Show
by Zarah Sumpter
Summary: This is a Rocky Horror parody. Okay, pairings: HPHG, HGDM, HGBZ, HPBZ, GWRW. What happens when two young lovers get stuck in the rain? Well, that castle over there looks inviting. Read and review!
1. Character List

These are the characters for my story that I am writing. I think that the actual RHPS characters are a lot like the Harry Potter characters.

Frank-N-Furter- Blaise Zabini

Brad Majors- Harry Potter

Janet Weiss- Hermione Granger

Riff-Raff- Ronald Weasley

Magenta- Ginny Weasley

Rocky- Draco Malfoy

Columbia- Lavender Brown

Criminologist- Albus Dumbledore

Dr. Everett Scott- Remus Lupin

Ralph Hapschatt- Seamus Finnegan

Betty Monroe- Parvati Patil


	2. Damnit Hermione

AN: This is my first story, I hope everyone likes it. So on with my RHPS parody, The Harry Potter Picture Show.

The Hogsmeade church bell is rings, and people start to file out of it, throwing rice. A newly graduated couple from Hogwarts have just gotten married, Seamus Finnegan and Parvati Patil.

Everyone gathers together as the hired photographer takes a group picture. The groom, and his best friend from Hogwarts, Harry Potter, separate from the group.

"Well Harry, I guess we made it, huh?" asked Seamus, as he gave him a nudge in the shoulder.

"Well, I didn't think there was any doubt about that. You and Parvati have been inseparable since our days at Hogwarts." He said, nudging him back.

"To tell you the truth Harry, that's the only reason I took all those extra classes with her." he said with a laugh.

"Okay guys, this is it!" yelled Parvati, about to throw her bouquet. She turns around and throws the flowers behind her back. All the girls that attending Hogwarts with her stand in a group, waiting for the bouquet. The flowers fly and automatically fly towards Hermione Granger, Harry's steady girlfriend since Hogwarts.

"I got it! I got it!" she screams, as everyone walks away from her.

"Hey big fella! Looks like it could be your turn next," Seamus says as he turns towards his Muggle car, and gets in. Harry thinks over what Seamus had just said, and decided that today he would ask her.

Seamus started the car, and he and Parvati were off towards their honeymoon. Everyone followed the car down the street, giving their last condolences.

Harry and Hermione stayed at the entrance of the church, as the workers started to set up for the funeral taking place in an hour's time.

"Oh Harry, wasn't it beautiful? Didn't Parvati look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe an hour ago she was plain old Parvati Patil. And now, she's Mrs. Seamus Finnegan." She said, smelling the bouquet of flowers in her hand.

"Yes Hermione, Seamus is a lucky guy." Harry began, walking away from the church.

"Yes"

"And everyone knows that Parvati is a wonderful cook."

"Yes."

At this point they come across a huge sign that says: 'Hogsmeade, Home of Magic'

"Hey Hermione?"

"Yes Harry?" she said, her eyes looking towards Harry.

"I really love the…skillful way…you beat the other girls…to the brides bouquet."

"Oh Harry."

"Hermione, will you marry me?" asked Harry, pulling out a velvet box with a diamond ring inside.

"Oh! Of course I will, Harry!" she said, as Harry put the ring on her finger.

"I thought that maybe we could go and visit Lupin, and tell him the good news?" he asked. Harry hadn't seen Remus since their graduation 3 months ago.

"That's a great idea, Harry. I love you!" she said as she kissed him softly.

"I love you too, 'Mione."


	3. Over at Blaise's Place

AN: Okay. Next chapter, thanks to the one review I got, it was most welcomed. So this chapter is going to come up right at the Time Warp. Lots of fun, huh?

Pleeeaasee review!

The scene closes on the two love birds and comes in focus to Headmaster Dumbledore, who oddly has no neck. He is in his office with many books surrounding him. "I would like, if I may," he begins, "to take you, on a strange journey." He then turns around and takes out a book, and opens it to a picture of Harry. "It seemed a fairly ordinary night, when Harry Potter, and his fiancé," his says, flipping the page to a picture of Hermione, "Hermione Granger, two young, healthy, ordinary wizards, left Hogsmeade that late November evening, to visit a Professor Remus Lupin," he said as he flipped the page to a picture of Lupin. "Ex-Hogwarts teacher, and now friend to both of them." He then closed the book and rose from his seat, "It's true that there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black and pendulous, towards which they were driving. It was true also that the spare tire in their Muggle car was badly in need of some air. But, them being normal kids, on a night out, well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening." He continues getting closer and closer, "It was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time."

We now switch to Harry and Hermione driving on a dirt road in a rain storm. On the radio you can hear the Minister of Magic talking out to the wizarding world. Hermione is biting in a Chocolate frog and offers some to Harry, who declines it.

All of a sudden, a man on a broom whizzes by them. "Gosh, that's the third broom rider that's passed us. They sure take their life in their hand, with the weather and all." She said, taking another bite out of the amphibian.

"Yeah, life's pretty cheap to that type," he said, referring to how he used to play Quiditch in the rain, and once almost got killed by a dementor.

They kept driving till Harry saw something up the road a bit, "What the matter, Harry darling?" asked Hermione, as Harry tried to wipe the steam from the windshield. It seemed to look like a dead end.

"Hmm. We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. Guess we'll just have to turn back." Harry said, putting the car in reverse. Slowly going backwards he got a few feet before the whole car jolted, and he stopped.

"What was the bang!" Hermione asked, looking scarred.

"We must have a blowout." He said, looking the side of his car.

"Can't you just fix it with your wand?" asked Hermione.

"No, it's a Muggle car, wands don't work on it." He said.

"Then why don't you just change the tire?" she asked him.

"Yeah, but-DAMNIT, I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed!" he said hitting the steering wheel to show his anger. "You stay here and keep warm, while I go for help." He said, about to open the door.

"Where will you go in the middle of nowhere?" she asked, sounding concerned for his safety. Harry thought for a bit and then remembered a castle they had passed.

"Didn't we pass a castle a few miles back?" he said. Hermione was about to say something when Harry interrupted her, "Maybe they have a floo network open?"

"I'm going with you." She said, taking off her seat belt.

"Oh, no darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet." He said putting his arm in front of her.

"I'm going with you. If I can handle Voldemort, than I can handle a little rain." She said, opening the door handle. "Anyways, the owner of that castle may be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again." She said with a giggle, and kissed Harry on the lips.

They trudged up the dirt road to the castle that they had passed. As the approached the entrance, there was a sign that said: 'Enter at Your Own Risk' which took Hermione a good long time to read.

Inside the castle, Ron, the butler, saw the couple arriving at the castle, and went downstairs to greet them.

Now switch back to Dumbledore's office, "And so, it seemed like fortune had smiled upon Harry and Hermione, and they had found the assistance that their plight required, or had they?" he said, and faded back to Harry and Hermione coming upon the rustic castle.

"Harry, let's go back. I'm cold, and I'm frightened." Hermione said, ringing the rain from her hair.

"Just a moment, Hermione. They may have a floo, and we'll be able to leave and get a spare tire." They rang the doorbell and were greeted by a red-headed boy, no older then them.

"Hello," he greeted them, his eyes boring into them.

When the silence was too deafening, Harry put his hand out for a hand shake, "Hi! My name's Harry Potter and this is my fiancé, Hermione Granger. I was wondering if you could help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles back, do you have a floo network open?" he asked, sounding as friendly as possible.

"You're wet." He pointed out to them.

"Yes," said Hermione weakly, "it's raining."

"Yes," said Harry in response.

"Yes," said Ron, "I think perhaps you both better, come inside."

"You're too kind," Hermione said as she entered the castle behind Harry. She looked around and was shocked by the massiveness of it. "Oh Harry, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?" she asked.

"Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich purebloods." Harry answered. They heard a loud noise and saw the man that had let them in, close the door.

"This way." He said, as he pointed towards the double doors.

"Are you having a party?" Hermione asked, grabbing tightly to Harry.

"You've arrived on a rather special night, it's one of the masters affairs." He said, stopping at the staircase, where another red-head, only a girl, was hiding behind.

"Oh, lucky him." She said, looking up at Harry. All of a sudden, the red-head, who looked to be the maid, got up and mounted the stair railing.

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!" she said with a laugh, and threw a feather duster at her brother.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, wondering if it was too late to leave and just walk back to Hogsmeade.

AN: Alright everyone that's chapter 3. I'm considering if I should put the time in or not. If I do, I'm probably going to alter the words so that it makes sense to the magical world. Okay, review everyone!


	4. Zarah's Authors Note

Okay guys. Next chapter should be out before next week, but first I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you guys.

First, do you think I should do my own version of the Time Warp? If I did, I would need some help on it. So if there is anyone out there that is good at writing songs than email me at I'm sorry to those people that think that I'm taking the movie; same lines and all, and just putting in Harry Potter people. True that is kind of what it is like, but it will get its own personality further more into the story. So sorry to anyone thinking that I was going to copy Rocky Horror word for word.

And finally I just want to thank everyone for reviewing. They are my muse, and I love to read them.

Thank you,

Zarah Sumpter….I also do not own Jeremy Sumpter, thus where my name gets its origin, lol.


	5. Strange Characters

**AN: Hey everyone. I have gotten on new wind, and I am ready to make another chapter. I decided that with the lack of creativity on my part, that I am not going to re-do the Time Warp. ******** Buuuut…I am going to be using my own thoughts and lines in this chapter, hardly any from RHPS. So I hope you enjoy…and review!**

Harry and Hermione held each other as if they were being attacked by a pack of wolves.

The red-headed maid walked up behind the couple, making vulgar noises at them. She then introduced herself, "I'm Ginny," she said making her way towards the other red-head, "and this is my dear, dear brother…" she paused for a very long time, looking into his eyes. Harry and Hermione exchanged glances, wondering what in the world was going on here.

Ginny soon snapped out of her trance, and looked back at the couple, "And this is my brother, Ronald." She smiled at them with her blood red lips.

"You mean you two are related?" Hermione asked in a meek voice.

All they did was laugh and lead them into the ball room, where there were tons of witches and wizards dancing and partying. The siblings that had led them in, had slowly meshed their way into the dancing that was arising.

Harry and Hermione stayed at the doorway, only observing the twisted things that were taking place.

"Harry, I want to get out of here." Hermione pleaded and pulled on his arm.

"Just a moment, Hermione. We can't go anywhere till I can find a floo network" he said to her, trying to calm her. Just behind them, coming down the elevator was a stranger that neither one of them had noticed, but the rest of the guests were aware of the presence.

Still, Hermione persisted, "But I'm cold, and I'm wet, and I'm just plan scared." She said.

"I'm here, you have nothing to worry about." He said to her, but at the very moment, a man (or some sort of small resemblance to one) stepped out of the iron elevator, body clad in corset and all.

"Hello." He said, smiling at the couple with a gleam in his eyes.

Hermione was too shocked to answer, that she fainted right there on the spot.

"Well" said the sweet transvestite, "I had no idea that we had visitors."

Harry was shocked, but was shaken out of his trance, and stuck out his hand to greet the "thing".

"Hi, my name's Harry Potter. And this is my," he looked down to Hermione leaning against the elevator, "somewhat unconscious fiancé, Hermione Granger."

The cross dresser ignored his gratitude of a handshake and walked off to greet his other guests.

"So," the transvestite said from his throne at the front of the room, "what brings you to my, humble abode?"

"Our muggle car broke down a few miles down the road, we were wondering if you had a floo network here by any chance?"

"Well, I firstly have to unveil my new creation to my loyal guests, and then, I may be able to help you."

With that he thanked him, and got Hermione up off the floor. She arose with an unsettling look on her face as she looked again at the man in the corset strutting around the room.

After his show and dance that he presented to his guests, he stepped again into the elevator and rose once again to an unknown room.

As the guest one by one exited the room, Harry and Hermione were met by the two servants that they had met earlier and a rather odd looking girl in a sequined outfit. Ron and Ginny helped the couple in taking off their coats, but also assisted them in the removal of the rest of their clothing.

When they were down to their underwear, the sequined girl spoke to them. "Golly, can't say I've ever seen anything like that before," commenting on Harry's whitey-tightys. "You're very lucky to be invited up to Blaise's lab; some people would sacrifice their first born for the privilege."

"We just need to floo a mechanic, that's all. We don't mean to be an inconvenience." Harry said in a very skittish voice.

"Come along, the master doesn't like to be kept waiting." Said the red headed girl which they knew as Ginny. She was standing in the elevator along with her brother, waiting for the couple to enter. As they made their way slowly to the elevator, they had a feeling that there would be some serious shit hitting the proverbial fan.


End file.
